The "Simply Me" project...

Good Morning!!

         If you're a consistent reader of Luvin' My Curves then I hope you know that the clothes I wear, discuss or feature are nothing if the person who wears them has no confidence. Having this blog, I have an outlet to voice my opinion as well as hope that what I put out there can reach someone.

Though there is the Luvin' Her Look feature this series is more about the thought process or experiences that led to the confidence exuding in the Luvin' Her Look feature. My hope is that with this new series I can incorporate style and self-esteem together; by showing rather than telling that real women just like you are actually wearing trends or pieces that you may be apprehensive to wear. What I try to achieve in my blog is letting every girl  know that it's ok to love herself regardless of her size. Though there are many of us who love ourselves unconditionally,  there are many ladies who feel insecure in their own skin. I've met plenty of plus size women who refuse to show their arms or even wear short-sleeves because their size dictates their level of comfort. Perhaps showing our own past and/or present insecurities in pictures will allow someone else to see that they are not the only ones, and that it's ok.

   I hope that you'd like to participate in this project, if so here are the questions:

What's the most "daring" thing you've done style-wise? 

What's a fear or insecurity about your body that you've gotten over? How did you overcome it?

So whether it's baring your arms, wearing stripes, wearing a strapless bra, showing leg,wearing leggings, mixing prints, rocking a mini or whatever it is I'd appreciate greatly if you would share! 

This series kicks off next week - so email me at johara@luvinmycurves.com with your answers and pics!!

Enjoy your weekend!

~Luvin' My Curves

 P.S: The previous images were made by some of my students for their dorm project, I'm so proud!!

Does He Have a Fat Fetish?

Good Morning!

If you've never read her blog before you just need to! I consider The Big Girl Blog and it's heroine CeCe to be one of my "blogging sisterfriends". Her blog touches on topics that I'm sure has been on our minds at one point or another. If you're the only curvy girl in your crew, TBGB islike the talking to the plus size friend you never had who understands, enjoy!!

It was a Saturday night and I was running late.

After spending what seemed like forever in the hair salon, I had rushed home with just enough time to jump in the shower and do a quick turnaround for my date with Eric. Eric was a thirty-something native New Yorker who owned an IT consulting firm in Chelsea. We met online a few months back and had been playing phone tag for a while. The plan for the evening was dinner and an independent film in the west village, so I kept it simple with a navy blue bubble dress that hit just above the knee and a pair of bronze wedges.

Dinner went well, with easy conversation and laughs, so when we sat down for the movie I felt like I would probably give Eric a second date. When Eric reached over and took my hand, I thought it was sweet. When he draped his arm around my shoulders, I thought it was a little much for a first date-- but pretty harmless. A few minutes later, when he started massaging the back of my arm, I started to tense up. Any PSP (Plus Size Princess) knows that the back of the arm can be a very flabby part of our bodies and for me it is one of the areas that I'm most self conscious about. I started squirming and adjusting in my seat, thinking he would get the hint and stop, but he just continued kneading the back of my arm like it was dough.

At first I thought maybe he was just being affectionate, but it felt like he enjoyed exploring my fat. I sat forward in my seat, thinking that he would move his arm. Instead, he let his arm drop behind my waist and began to massage my love handles. Finally, I took his hand and moved it away from me completely.
I sat there trying to put my finger on what was making me feel so gross. I can be a very affectionate person and I love when men are affectionate with me, but this didn't feel right. I didn’t feel feminine, sexy or wanted as I usually do when a man embraces me. Instead, Eric's touch made me feel acutely aware of my size, my weight, my shape and my trouble spots. Trying not to ruin the evening, I did my best to focus on the movie. That's when Eric slid down in his seat, wrapped his arms around me and placed his head on my stomach; making me feel like a human pillow. It was an unnatural and very awkward move and there was no way he could even watch the movie in that position, but he seemed determined to do it.

I started to wonder if... he had a fat fetish.

The definition of fetish is: a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends, to an abnormal degree, on some object, item of clothing or part of the body.Judging from the way Eric’s energy changed when he touch the fleshiest parts of me, I was pretty sure that Eric had a sexual desire for the abnormal amount of fat on my body.

"Please get off of me," I hissed.
He sat up and leaned into my ear.
"I'm sorry, it’s just that you're so sexy... how much do you weigh?"

I could feel my face getting hot with a mix of embarrassment and anger. I've never had a compliment make me feel so terrible. I told Eric I was going to the ladies room and instead walked out the door of the movie theater and never looked back. When I got home I had a voicemail and three text messages from Eric, asking where I was, I deleted them all.

While this was the first time I had encountered someone like this personally, it was not the first time I had observed it. In my time spent in the BBW club scene, I've noticed that there are men who are fascinated with the plus size body, but never the girl inside.

I wanted to wrap my head around what it meant to be fettishized, so I did a little research. Some of the more common male fetishes are breasts, legs, hair and feet. Thinking back, the majority of the men I've dated have been "breast men". I went out with a "leg man" who would drive with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my thigh. I've let plenty of guys play with my hair and even let one boyfriend massage my feet, paint (and even suck on) my toes. Clearly, I've dated men with fetishes before, and while I would be equally as offended if a man asked to look at my feet or touch my legs on a first date, I still had to ask myself why I, a fat girl, was so offended by a man who had a sexual desire for... my fat.

Why was it okay for a man to be sexually attracted to parts of my body, but not my body as a whole?
Maybe it’s because I know that while sexual attraction is important, it isn’t enough. I’ve seen too many men who enjoy sleeping with big women, but would never consider dating one. I’ve seen too many PSP’s start a physical relationship with a man and then wait in vain for it to blossom into something more. I guess the difference between Eric and the other men I’ve dated is that those fetishes came to the light after our emotional connection was established. I never felt like my breasts, legs or feet were the only reason they wanted me in their lives.

At the end of the day, I can’t accept a man who wants to get acquainted with my body faster than he gets acquainted with me.

Thanks CeCe!! Make sure to read the blog and follow her on twitter!

Note from LMC: I can't tell you how many times I've met guys who seemed cool but then their interest was all about my weight, unacceptable. On one end you have the guys who won't date you because you're plus size and then on the other end you have the guys who are obsessed with it. Have you come across a man with a "fat fetish", how does it make you feel and how do you deal?

~Luvin' My Curves

Plus-Sized & Fit

Good Morning!

There’s a nasty rumor out there that if you’re plus size then you’re automatically not healthy- NOT TRUE! Though one may not see a lot of us plus size ladies in the gym doesn’t mean we aren’t taking steps to be healthier and happier in our curves. I’m a firm believer that in order to truly love the skin you’re in you have to take care of YOU inside and out… I asked bootcamp extraordinaire Ms. Aja Davis to take the reins today , enjoy!

Plus-Sized and Fit
by Aja Davis
You know you should do it. Maybe even twice a day. I mean it ma

kes you feel so good, works up a good sweat and leaves you high for the rest of the day (or night). And the more you do it, the more you want to do it. It's even good for your skin. Some even do it with their sock on. Get you mind out of the gutter! I'm talking about working out! Yes, sex may be a way to work up a sweat but it is no substitute for the gym or a great exercise class. Many in the plus community, however, simply do not get enough exercise. There are many reasons for this but the main one I come across with many of my clients is fear. Fear of being ostracized or not fitting in at your gym or aerobics class. Repeatedly, I hear the same complaint, 'exercise just isn't for me.' And it's completely understandable to feel this way. The super thin and fit twenty-somethings that fill cardio rooms and exercise classes may seem to scream “If you're plus -sized, this is not for you!” And when you do actually make it into the gym, the fashionistas' icy stares pierce into you as if to say, “What are you doing here?” It is incredibly ironic. You want to get in shape, are aware of the need to lead a healthier lifestyle, and yet are made to fear the very avenues that lead to that end. So instead, you perfect your strut, surround yourself with other's who claim indifference and continue on with your life, perhaps sinking further and further into your own denial about your health and well-being.

Well, I'm hear to tell you that the denial has to stop. Stop lying to yourself! You may love your curves, but huffing and puffing up the subway stairs is not fun. Neither is being short on energy to enjoy your life, go out dancing, keep up with your girlfriends at the shopping mall, go bike riding, or whatever else tickles your fancy. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that everyone should want or needs to be a sized 2. In fact, many of my strongest clients are plus-sized and have no desire to be Jennifer Aniston.

You can have your curves and your health and I'll show you a few ways to do just that. Being afraid, unmotivated, or uninterested in exercise and leading a healthy lifestyle is not an option for those blessed with voluptuous curves. The added weight puts you at a higher risk of heart attack, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, joint pain and arthritis just to name a few. Being on a regular exercise program can help to mitigate and even prevent all those things, not to mention make your sex life better. And wouldn't it feel great to buy that dress even just one size smaller?

Here are some ways I encourage my plus-sized clientele to start being active and commit to a healthy lifestyle.

1. Find a buddy. Starting an exercise or nutrition program is much easier and much more fun when you have someone to do it with. Plus, it's easier to hold each other accountable. If none of your friends are interested, branch out. Try asking coworkers, maybe post a sign at your local grocery store or church. If you're on a neighborhood listserv, try posting for a workout buddy there.

2. Join my bootcamp. Shameless, I know, but seriously. I've created a bootcamp geared towards the needs of the plus community. People are friendly here and are incredible motivators for each other. Plus, you'll see serious results and when you graduate the program I'll buy you a pair of skinny jeans or a convertible dress by Monif C. Check it out at www.newbodybootcampnyc.com

3. Do something that you enjoy. If exercise is a chore, you feel embarrassed or dread going, you won't stick with it in the long run. The goal should be to find something that you can sustain for more than a week or two. Ideally, you want something you can enjoy for months or years to come.

4. Drink more water. This is a tip I always give no matter what. People simply do no drink enough. And water affects everything from mood, to weight, to appetite to digestion. To know how much water you should be drinking take your weight and divide it by 2. That will give you the number in ounces of how much water you should drink on a daily basis. Ex. If you weigh 200lbs/2 = 100oz of water A DAY!

5. Find a nutrition plan that works for you. The most important part, even more important that exercise is what you put in your body. Think about it like this: our cells are literally made up from the food we eat. That old saying you are what you eat is much truer than you may realize. If you eat a lot of junk, your cells build themselves off of junk and you start to look and feel much like the junk your eating. If you eat more fresh vegetables and unprocessed foods, you look and feel much lighter and happier because your cells are building themselves from things that truly nourish the body. Whether it's counting calories, weighing food, or a more holistic approach find what works for you and stick with it.

Being Plus-sized does not mean you can't or shouldn't exercise and think about your health. You just have to find the right program for you. With a little persistence and effort you will soon be on your way to a healthier, more active lifestyle.

Aja Davis is a certified personal trainer in Brooklyn, NY and owner of New Body Bootcamp & Wellness where she works with a variety of clientele, including many plus sized women and men.

Please share, How do stay active? What if anything, do you think you could improve on health-wise?

~Luvin’ My Curves… Workin’ It Out!

Seasons Change: Transitioning from Summer to Fall

Good Morning!!

Not only is today Mommy's birthday but I just got some great news this morning which is causing me to run around like an excited chicken-I'm so glad that Ms.Felicia "DaLipstickBandit" was able to provide another guest post and grace us with her wisdom & oh-s0-fabness. Alot of us are already thinking about fall fashion & makeup trends so this post is perfect as we get ready for the transition... Enjoy!

Allo Lovelies!

It's FeliciaDaLipstickBandit once again. . Johara has allowed me to guest-blog once again...yay!

SO, here's the scoop! Most people begin to get all excited about what they're wearing in the Fall during this time...not me. I start to get all goth-like, wanting to wear Fall make-up now. I mean, by August, aren't we all a bit sick of bronzer? Maybe its just me...I am a Winter baby after all. Anywho...this post is all about... Fall make-up trends mixed with how to transition yourself from Summer to Fall. Let me dish on the essentials: SkinEyesLips!

Skin:

First, let's admit the not so pretty truth. You're paying for those days in the sun. I mean, you couldn't help yourself but there's a little issue: peeling. Your skin is betraying its true tone.

Don't fret. It's called EXFOLIATING. A gentle sugar scrub (I have my own line coming soon) or a drug store brand (if you must) once a week will help slough off those dead skin cells and will speed up the peeling process.

A nice one-two punch is the EXFOLIATING plus MOISTURIZING. A nice non-clogging moisturizer will soothe the skin and will also help with the transition from warm weather to the cold; which lets face it...is rough on everyone!

As far as foundation goes...the trend is matte or even skintone with a bit of blush so you don't look entirely dead. The look is minimal shine with just enough so that you look healthy.

(If you want to hold on to that bronzer, I say go for it..only in theT-zone..shhh! Our litte secret!)

Perfect examples are Dita von Teese and Kim Kardashian.




Eyes

A big big color of the season is PURPLE. Purple in any hue is very trendy. Other trends include glitter shadows, any type of shimmer, metallics are big and so are: grays, pinks and blues. Go figure!

Other than that, this season reverts back to old faithful: smokey eyes. One thing is for sure...Fall will be nothing short of dramatic...and I love it!

- An easy way to transition from Summer to Fall in this regard is to hold on to those bronze-y shades you wore all summer long. My suggestion would be to add a little smoke on the edges or why not try a beautiful lavendar with a hint of gray.

Lips

Think 2 sides of the spectrum for lips. Either it is nude or its bold.

An easy way to get the nude lip is to use your concealer or foundation powder as your lip color and pat on clear gloss for a subtle shine. Honestly, its a tough look to pull off. I would say..opt for a gloss close to your skin tone with a hint of shimmer in it. Trust me! :)

The big trend is lips that range from the classic red to fuschia. Think plums, deep burgundy, purples, and even black (if you're bold). The runway make-up looks were matte but I think to make this look a bit more wearable for the average dame, you need a bit of shine.

The last pic (on the bottom right is Kim K. done by Troy Jensen inspired by the Fall Runway..go figure!)

Always Always Always remember the Golden Make-Up Rule: Only emphasize one feature at a time. Dramatic eyes require a nude lip. Dramatic lips require a toned-down eye. A perfect pairing would be purple lips with a cat eye. (I mean, unless you're a drag queen which I happen to be..it works man, what can I say?)

That's my time. I want to thank LMC for letting me rant in her space.

Stay lovely. Stay fab. To thine own self, be true!

Felicia

--
www.dalipstickbandit.com

FOX try again: A Guy's View on "More to Love"

Good Morning Everyone,

Today's post is from Neil - he made some waves here when he wrote a piece earlier this summer(click here) and now he's back to give us a lil' opinion on FOX's "More to Love".... as always he loves a great discussion so make sure to leave some comments. :)

LMC made me watch "More to Love", actually I wanted to watch it- at least one episode to see just how FOX would mess up a totally overdue and great concept. I hate to admit but I've been watching every episode since the 1st one- it's like a train wreck on a woman's self-esteem but I'm intrigued to keep watching because I want to see how low this show will go.

I'm not cool with the exploitation of these women's insecurities, the tears, the angst all over a guy you don't even know - I personally find this scary. If a woman was acting like this after she just met me- I'd be plotting my exit strategy. I know it's a dating show and from what I've previewed on other shows it's "normal" but still, not a good look. I'm not a woman so I can't say I know exacty how these women feel, but if the wounds are that deep why put yourself on TV with the possibility that you may not be the "one"?

The ladies on the show are beautiful, but when they talking about all the things they havn't done because of their weight- I get numb. I've been around beautiful and confident full-figured women, who have lived their lives- they were in the middle of the dance floor at prom, they travel, they smile and enjoy life . I know every woman may not feel the same way, but FOX was dead wrong for casting women (acting or not) in which most if not all of them havn't really lived life because of their weight. (Note: Let me point out, like the full-figured lady at the lounge in the corner who doesn't want to talk or dance, these ladies made the choice not to go out and live life- us men see that and most of us will not approach) Show me a woman who loves herself and who lives her life and that's the kind of woman I want on my arm- not one who is holding on for dear life!!


What this tells me is that these women will build their confidence, self-esteem and sense of beauty around the affections of Luke? (who is corny!!!) Maybe it's weird hearing this from a guy but I don't want a female to build her sense of esteem around my actions - she should have that before I meet her. I'm only human, I'm by no means perfect so that's alot of pressure when someone's sense of worth is based on what you do. What if I don't call you back immediately, or do anything else that sets you off, what if at the worst we break up ? What happens then?

One the ladies last night said that she never told her aspirations to any of her ex-boyfriends because she was fat and she thought they thought she was ugly .I looked at my roomates (I bribed my roomates to watch with me) like "What? If I thought you were unattractive to me I wouldn't be your man, and futhermore if you think your man doesn't see you as beautiful why are you with him?"Last, but not least, don't cry or talk to me about your ex's on a FIRST date- our 1st date should be a chance for us to have fun and get to know each other better. Am I off base for saying that?

These are just my thoughts on the show. I know it's a "reality" show which doesn't hold much "reality" weight anymore but FOX has chosen the wrong wrong to sadly satisfy the stereotypes of ignornant people who truly believe that all plus size women feel this way.


I'm all ears...let's talk

Smile big girl, you are beautiful!

Todays post, comes from one of my fave chicks, DaLipstickBandit. She's fresh, she's fly...and I'm honored to have her grace Luvin' My Curves. I hope that this post encourages you to either keep doing you or to stop hiding in the back and step out to the front so you can shine. "The person in the mirror is more powerful than you know...", FIERCE! Enjoy!


Growing up, I was told of this magical remedy to cure all my life's troubles. It would make me prettier, more popular, and most of all, cure me of my loner-shy-Spice Girl-meets-Daria vibe I had going on. It slices, it dices, it gets that guy to call you back. Ladies and gents, its called... Losing Weight.

For many years, I pulled the weight card. Those girls didn't let me sit at their table at lunch, that guy didn't smile back at me, those people wouldn't talk to me - it all got charged to this card that I had in the back pocket of my size 14's (oh to be that size, again!)

I've noticed, either the card gets maxed out and since we have bad credit, we cut it up and try to pay off the bad debts of the lies people in the past have swiped or we just get a new one. Its easier to blame others for our misery than ourselves but guess which one is healthier for us.

A friend of mine, took hers to a shady doctor who performed a gastric bypass on her, although she was probably not more than 300 pounds at 5"10. The complications from said surgery sent her heart rate through the roof because not even morphine could dull the pain. She said it was an experience that made her feel as though she were dying. The only question I could muster was, "Why?"

Charge it to the weight card, please.

Growing up, Queen Latifah was in flannel shirts on a little show called, "Living Single." Now, she is a CoverGirl. I call that change. There is a revolutionary plus-sized movement shaking down the pillars of what mainstream society calls beautiful. I'm proud to be apart of that movement in any way I can. And just like the Women's Suffrage Movement, the Civil Rights Movement or any great uprising in history has taught us, it starts with one. The person in the mirror is more powerful than you know. Once we strip ourselves of the negativity we've been clothed in, and embrace the curves, the lines of our bodies, the dimples in our, umm...cheeks, and look at the person in the mirror and say, "This is me and I am beautiful." That is the day we will not be the punch line of the jokes, the funny sexless sidekick, the butterballs, but step into the roles that we were born to play: fun fearless women of girth. Hips and curves, thick thighs, succulent breasts. Strong women that can proudly proclaim that we are here. We have always been here. We're not going anywhere. We are a different type of beauty with a fuller frame. Dig that!

To that I say, "More runway opportunities, more affordable ready to wear, extended sizes in all department stores, more Gwen Devoes, more Mia Ambers, more Johana Drays, more Teiko Dornors, more YOU's. Smile big girl, you are beautiful!

~Luvin' My Curves....smiling!

International Chic: Thank Evans!

Today we're visiting our friends across the pond in England:

Thank you to the ladies over at Plusologie for today's post! With Beth Ditto's Line debuting at Evan's last week- I'm sure folks are clamoring over to evans more than ever before. Don't be afraid that evans is only overseas, they have great sales, fast shipping and a collection that is sure to tickle your fashion fancy :)

THANK EVANS! With all the various plus-size apparel options slowly becoming available, evans is one apparel company that gets it right more often than not. Not only are they already fabulous on their own, but come July 9^th, they’ll be debuting the launch of the plus-size rock star diva Beth Ditto at evans collection. Don’t get it confused… this plus-size retail apparel option is purposely not spelled with a capitol “e”. Which makes perfect since because when your one of the best…u needn’t shout it, people will just know.

There are over 330 evans stores around the UK and Ireland. Being from the States, I’d say that their only downfall is that they are not located in the U.S. However, that doesn’t stop U.S. customers from getting their fashionista fix from evans because shipping to the United States is approximately 5-7 working days.

When browsing the evans website, it is clear that they have really put a lot of time and effort into fitting the plus-size figure. You can tell by the silhouettes that they concentrate on flattering the curvy woman rather than just covering her up. They have taken a smart approach at figuring out what best suits all the different types of curvy body shapes.

What I like best about evans, is that they have lots of fun casual chic clothing that can be styled up or down. Which is really what we fashionista’s ultimately need in our busy lifestyles today. One of my favorites is the necklace flower t shirt (above). It is a fabulous find at £28.00 (approximately $40 U.S. dollars). Pair it up with dark jeans, a hot pair of heels and a cocktail clutch handbag and watch out girl! Be careful because the stares you’ll be getting are not because you’re plus-size, but because you’re looking Hot!

Visit: Evans

Have you ever shopped at Evans? Is there anything you see at their site that you're itching to buy, let me know!