Monday, November 4, 2013

You say "Big & Beautiful" like it's a bad thing


At my cousins baby shower last week my uncle decides to say "I know you're all about the Big & Beautiful stuff, but this (gestures to me) is too much." 

Sigh, here we go. 

Sorry for the selfie. Pic taken post-tears, upon the realization that folks see what they want to see. 

Even as I gave him the IDGAF look, he continued his rant (in front of people I don't even know) about how unhealthy it is, the effects on my knees, etc, etc, etc. I have a couple of options: 

Option 1: Cuss him out. 

Option 2: Be respectful and ask him to do the same. 

Option 3: Grin & bear it - for now. 

The Libra in me, did a combination of Options 2 & 3 - I couldn't allow myself to cuss him out in front of others, I didn't feel the need to stoop to his level. I responded with a question "Really?? This is not the kind of conversation that needs to be had during a baby shower while my cousin is opening gifts." 

He kept talking and as I did my best to tune him out I thought - I havn't seen my uncle in over a year and this is all he can say to me - deep breath. When he was finished with his monologue I got up, left the room, and cried tears of frustration because I didn't give him what he deserved - a nice dose of Option 1. 

Why do people, especially family feel that they have carte blanche to say condescending things to you at anytime?

I'm not even hurt by his words, he's a jerk. But I was angry that it bothered me - I was upset that for all of my accomplishments that he still couldn't get past my weight. In his mind, my weight seems to trump over all.  

I love me....fat, flaws and all. I see my accomplishments, and my struggles and I grow from it all. For someone to even  attempt to minimize that is their problem but I'd be lying if I said that at 31 that it still doesn't bother me.  

           My weight will never determine my worth - I just wish that others could see that. 

Has anyone taken the liberty to attempt to make you feel "less than"? How did you respond? 

~Luvin' My Curves 

Let's keep in touch!


  1. I am sending you a hug! These are always hard situations. If you'd cussed him out, you probably would have been the villain even though he was clearly in the wrong. I too believe in being respectful to elders and not making a scene at events that "belong" to someone else. I have, in similar situations, said things like "I'm not sure why this is an issue for you since it has nothing to do with you. I'm sure your intent is not to hurt my feelings or be disrespectful but that is the way your words are making me feel. I don't feel the need to discuss this with you." And turn and walk away. I have also given lectures to people about incorrect perceptions about health based on my size but not to family members - that's just too...much. I am so fortunate that my Mom is so loving and support and GETS IT. My Dad told me that no one would ever marry me because I was fat and had a smart mouth. Hang in there girl - I think you handled it the best you could, given the circumstances.

  2. People are assholes. I think you look gorgeous and I actually went to ASOS and ordered this dress because it looks so great on you!

  3. Dear your damn right sometimes things goes around need to be controlled sometimes i feel people should really realise the diversifications n people made in perfecr by god so all humans beautifuls big
    Tall. Short and slim no matter the body shapes looks its just the feeling of confidence affect.

    Be yrself beautiful lady always remember as far there are dogs loving bones there are mens loving meats .. n big girls are damn besutiful

  4. I just saw this post today(11/26) but I had to post. My dad is like your uncle. I'm so tired of him commenting on my weight. Most of my siblings are plus size including my mom--but I'm the largest. I am a Doctoral candidate, licensed professional counselor, own a home, single mom, raised two adopted children, ordained minister, etc. etc. and yet all he sees is an overweight woman. I no longer visit my parents because of him. My mom visits me. He won't come. I end up (just like you) going somewhere to cry. I've always felt out of all my siblings, he singles me out the most. I have other horror stories, however, I won't use your blog to vent. I highly recommend to you (and anyone else) the Big Beautiful Wellness blog. They sell a DVD about their BBW model (practices) -- I highly recommend purchasing this. It has changed my way of thinking and how I feel about myself. It would be nice to have a snappy or vicious comeback for people like this, and sometimes I think they expect it--as it would probably encourage them more to say 'ha! I got to her'. I don't know about your uncle but I know my father is bitter, angry, resentful, and full of regret. He was not supportive financially or emotionally along my journey. I still love him, but I pity him. He refuses to see the beauty (of his family) and the refuses to receive the love we give each other and attempt to show him.

  5. You should have cussed him out without cussing. Sometimes you have to put people in their place. On Thanksgiving the first thing my mother asked me was if I was gaining weight. I was caught off guard but I told her that I am pregnant, but what was her excuse. I love my mama but I can not let people treat me in that manner.

  6. I think that your uncle see the beauty in you, but doesn't understand how someone like you can have it. In his world, big beautiful woman are supposed to be dowdy, insecure, needy, not well kept and desperate. It is apparent that you are none of those things and he's cant reconcile it with his stereotypes. You were right in not cussing him out, as it would have only fed into his stereotype of you being insecure. The fact that he went on his rant after you called him on it shows that he knew he was wrong, that those around him knew he was wrong as well but it was too late to stop. I think that now, you should have a heart to hear with him and set him straight on what he can and can't say to you. And that next won't be so nice.

  7. That dress looks awesome on you! I want to see more pictures and I want to buy it for myself. I saw the picture before I read the post. I am so sorry you had to deal with your uncle speaking way out of line. No need to cuss... just continuing to be your fabulous self at any size is the only response needed. This is my first time reading your blog and I am so happy I found it from a link on "Fashion for Giants". As a big girl (5ft 2in and 280+ pounds) I look for fashion inspiration where I can find it. I think I have found it here :-)


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