Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Does He Have a Fat Fetish?

Good Morning!

If you've never read her blog before you just need to! I consider The Big Girl Blog and it's heroine CeCe to be one of my "blogging sisterfriends". Her blog touches on topics that I'm sure has been on our minds at one point or another. If you're the only curvy girl in your crew, TBGB islike the talking to the plus size friend you never had who understands, enjoy!!

It was a Saturday night and I was running late.

After spending what seemed like forever in the hair salon, I had rushed home with just enough time to jump in the shower and do a quick turnaround for my date with Eric. Eric was a thirty-something native New Yorker who owned an IT consulting firm in Chelsea. We met online a few months back and had been playing phone tag for a while. The plan for the evening was dinner and an independent film in the west village, so I kept it simple with a navy blue bubble dress that hit just above the knee and a pair of bronze wedges.

Dinner went well, with easy conversation and laughs, so when we sat down for the movie I felt like I would probably give Eric a second date. When Eric reached over and took my hand, I thought it was sweet. When he draped his arm around my shoulders, I thought it was a little much for a first date-- but pretty harmless. A few minutes later, when he started massaging the back of my arm, I started to tense up. Any PSP (Plus Size Princess) knows that the back of the arm can be a very flabby part of our bodies and for me it is one of the areas that I'm most self conscious about. I started squirming and adjusting in my seat, thinking he would get the hint and stop, but he just continued kneading the back of my arm like it was dough.

At first I thought maybe he was just being affectionate, but it felt like he enjoyed exploring my fat. I sat forward in my seat, thinking that he would move his arm. Instead, he let his arm drop behind my waist and began to massage my love handles. Finally, I took his hand and moved it away from me completely.
I sat there trying to put my finger on what was making me feel so gross. I can be a very affectionate person and I love when men are affectionate with me, but this didn't feel right. I didn’t feel feminine, sexy or wanted as I usually do when a man embraces me. Instead, Eric's touch made me feel acutely aware of my size, my weight, my shape and my trouble spots. Trying not to ruin the evening, I did my best to focus on the movie. That's when Eric slid down in his seat, wrapped his arms around me and placed his head on my stomach; making me feel like a human pillow. It was an unnatural and very awkward move and there was no way he could even watch the movie in that position, but he seemed determined to do it.

I started to wonder if... he had a fat fetish.

The definition of fetish is: a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends, to an abnormal degree, on some object, item of clothing or part of the body.Judging from the way Eric’s energy changed when he touch the fleshiest parts of me, I was pretty sure that Eric had a sexual desire for the abnormal amount of fat on my body.

"Please get off of me," I hissed.
He sat up and leaned into my ear.
"I'm sorry, it’s just that you're so sexy... how much do you weigh?"

I could feel my face getting hot with a mix of embarrassment and anger. I've never had a compliment make me feel so terrible. I told Eric I was going to the ladies room and instead walked out the door of the movie theater and never looked back. When I got home I had a voicemail and three text messages from Eric, asking where I was, I deleted them all.

While this was the first time I had encountered someone like this personally, it was not the first time I had observed it. In my time spent in the
BBW club scene, I've noticed that there are men who are fascinated with the plus size body, but never the girl inside.

I wanted to wrap my head around what it meant to be fettishized, so I did a little research. Some of the more common male fetishes are breasts, legs, hair and feet. Thinking back, the majority of the men I've dated have been "breast men". I went out with a "leg man" who would drive with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my thigh. I've let plenty of guys play with my hair and even let one boyfriend massage my feet, paint (and even suck on) my toes. Clearly, I've dated men with fetishes before, and while I would be equally as offended if a man asked to look at my feet or touch my legs on a first date, I still had to ask myself why I, a fat girl, was so offended by a man who had a sexual desire for... my fat.

Why was it okay for a man to be sexually attracted to parts of my body, but not my body as a whole?
Maybe it’s because I know that while sexual attraction is important, it isn’t enough. I’ve seen too many men who enjoy sleeping with big women, but would never consider dating one. I’ve seen too many PSP’s start a physical relationship with a man and then wait in vain for it to blossom into something more. I guess the difference between Eric and the other men I’ve dated is that those fetishes came to the light after our emotional connection was established. I never felt like my breasts, legs or feet were the only reason they wanted me in their lives.

At the end of the day, I can’t accept a man who wants to get acquainted with my body faster than he gets acquainted with me.

Thanks CeCe!! Make sure to read the blog and follow her on twitter!

Note from LMC: I can't tell you how many times I've met guys who seemed cool but then their interest was all about my weight, unacceptable. On one end you have the guys who won't date you because you're plus size and then on the other end you have the guys who are obsessed with it. Have you come across a man with a "fat fetish", how does it make you feel and how do you deal?

~Luvin' My Curves


  1. OMG! Ewww! I'm so glad you had the guts, self-esteem, or whatever else to leave. So many women would have sat through it until the date was over.

    Talk about moving way to fast and not respecting the personal space of a first date.

    While it was a bad experience for you it is definitely a good experience for others to read.

  2. Yikes! It doesn't matter who you are, you need to be liked/loved for WHO you are, not what you are. Bravo for leaving.

  3. What the hell? As if you don't deal with enough in life, now you have to deal with that too? And that one wasted no time, on the first date even! Hopefully you will find someone worthy of your time without running into more of that.

  4. Wow, this is crazy I never actually met a man who had a "Fat Fetish". I cant believe it, well good thing you left, that was a big no no!

    -Love your blog

  5. Wow
    I have to say that this post hit the nail on the head. I have had guys tell me that I am not big enough for them? Say what? I have been plus size for as long as I can remember, I get that I mostly top heavy and that can be deceiving to some. But I have also dated someone who was only interested in me because of my size. One of the first questions he asked was what I weighed. He got offended when I advised him that was none of his business. It is fine if you have your fetish I just don't wih to be the object of this.

  6. Speaking as a gentleman that prefers larger women this story was quite creepy to me.

    This does make me pause to think about how close my preference comes to being classified as a fetish. Now don't get me wrong I will not be asking a lady how much she weighs or telling her she is not big enough for me, but I will voice that I prefer the hips and curves on a larger woman period and will not apologize for that.

    Though my preference is for a larger woman size alone did not determine if I stayed with the woman I have been married to for nine years. Without the rest there is no relationship.

  7. I'm also a man who prefers a woman with more size as oppossed to a stick. I mean, that's what I'm sexually attracted to. However, yes, I do have the intellect to never make a larger woman feel subconscious about her weight. I think making fun of someone with a weight problem could be just as hurtful as someone who only focuses on those curves in a sexual way, like that man in the narrative. For me to pursue the relationship, I need to also feel emotionally connected to the person as well. But again, I just happen to be sexually attracted to larger woman...and I think that's ok.

  8. The guy i am dating gets so turned on by big women that it worries me sometimes. I am 5'6" and 245 which is considered obese but I am trying to lose weight. However he is the first guy that has told me I am perfect the way I am. He loves my curves and loves to cuddle. He makes me feel sexy and wanted ....til a girl with a bigger ass walks by. Its like he can't stop himself.So I am trying to figure out if its me or is it just a fetish.
    I want a relationship and the more I read it seems these guys only want to fulfill there fantasies and then move on to the next. That is what worries me most. He has said part of his personality is wondering if the grass is greener some where else so he tends to have short relationships but that with me its different. No sure what to believe.


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